ANGER IS THE RESPONSE TO BUILT-UP FRUSTRATION. THE EXPERIENCE OF HAVING ONE'S SENSE OF PERSONAL POWER DENIED OR INFRINGED UPON.
How do you handle anger?
Do you stuff it?
Do you blast somebody?
Do you lie to yourself and others, saying you are not angry when you are?
How did you see anger acted out as a child?
How did you feel when someone was angry with you?
What were you willing to do to make things okay again if someone was angry with you?
Don't you just hate it when people fire a series of questions at you before your brain can compute them!
I believe that ANGER is one of the most powerful emotions a human being can experience. Perhaps it is because the impetus for anger is passion.
Passion is the driving force of life. If we weren't passionate about people, the things we do, we would die inside.
UNFORTUNATELY, WHEN WE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO PROCESS AND EXPRESS OUR ANGER, WE ALSO SEEM TO HAVE DIFFICULTY EXPRESSING OUR PASSION.
I also believe that anger comes from a deep sense of loss. If we have been a victim of abuse, we have experienced the loss of our dignity, personal power, the loss of control and a deep loss of our selves.
I have lived through a period of my life where I was one big fiery ball of rage. As I have experienced profound abuse and loss, it was very important for me to regain my sense of control. The only way I knew how to be safe was to control everything around me. Part of wanting to control, was the need for absolute perfection. Everything in my home had to be "just so" perfect. The pot plants had to sit just right, the vase had to be facing a certain way, the cushions on the sofa had to be placed a certain way. If any of this was out of order I would rant and rave and become very angry to the point of rage. Rage being, I would smash everything around, I would scream to the point of hysteria, I displayed uncontrollable rage.
It has taken a long time, a lot of healing to face my many faces of rage. To understand the core root of my rage and acknowledge the damage that my anger had on myself and my immediate family.
I lived in a climate of anger continuously as a child, it was all I knew. I learnt to cringe in anticipation of a strike, I learnt to read the atmosphere around me like one would a map in order to protect myself from anger and rage being directed at me.
When I lost my parents, when my sisters were taken away from me, when I was placed into a foster home and sexually, emotionally and physically abused, when I was abandoned and neglected, subconsciously even from a very young age, anger was building up inside me like a volcano, and when it did finally erupt it was a destructive explosion.
There were times that I would stand outside and shout at the top of my voice to the universe. "Why have you taken so much from me, Why? Why?, and I have cried not tears of pity but tears of absolute anger at my loss.
When we experience anger, there is something inside calling out for healing.
Do you believe that you are a separate being struggling for survival in life?
Are you rebellious against authority?
Do you believe that your personal space has been invaded and violated?
Do you feel powerless?
Taken for granted?
Who are you really angry with? Yourself ? A parent? Your first true love who left you for someone else
Why are you angry?
What has this person or persons actually done to make you feel so angry?
What assumptions are you making about this person?
What judgements have you made about them?
All of these questions and more are underneath the temporary experience of anger in which you currently find yourself.
In dealing with Anger we have to begin with ourselves and delve deep. Unresolved anger directed at others is abusive and destructive. Believe me I know. My anger would lash out at the most inappropriate times, in the parking lot, in a restaurant, at my husband, my children, they had done nothing wrong, but I had been triggered and all the accumulative anger would come pouring out like hot lethal lava and scald those whom I loved. In my state of anger, I didn't care who heard me, what others thought, how mad I may have looked, I was totally consumed by it.
I was also so angry at myself, angry that I was helpless, angry that I didn't make a stand, angry that I didn't try to protect myself, angry that I submitted to my predator in fear. Angry at the world.
So how do we being to face our anger and turn it around?
Again there is no easy quick fix. Take this 3X a day for 10 days and you will be anger free. If only!
Anger is an emotion we will always have and express, but it is how we express it, control it, use it, that is important.
Firstly I had to go back, way, way back and ask myself the initial questions " How did I see anger acted out as a child?' " How did I feel when someone was angry with me"? It took a great deal of honesty, willingness and a big dose of courage to face these questions and begin to dismantle my beliefs about anger, my automated response that I had learnt through others, and most importantly ACCEPT that what happened to me as a child, the way I was treated was not acceptable, and begin to forgive those that sought to harm me, those that lashed out at me in anger.
I began to put together a kit box of tools to handle my anger and part of this was AWARENESS, being aware of my responses and my anger.
When I felt triggered, and anger rose inside me like mercury in a thermometer, instead of going off like a mad woman, I had to literally take a mental step back, breath through the anger, acknowledge the anger, release the anger, even love the anger, before I responded. This takes discipline and mindfulness and it isn't easy, but it gets easier each time.
Unfortunately ANGER has lots of friends, attaching themselves, clinging for dear life wanting to get in on the action. When we don't deal with our anger, face it head on, acknowledge that "yes, I am angry" and make a choice to disempower it; all its friends come out to play and create more havoc with our emotions. RESENTMENT, BITTERNESS, HATRED, JEALOUSY, VINDICTIVENESS, REVENGE, to name a few, add fuel to the already burning fire.
So, LET ME REMEMBER:
I HAVE A RIGHT TO FEEL WHAT I FEEL.
WHAT I AM FEELING IS A TEMPORARY EXPERIENCE THAT CONNOT HARM ME.
ALL THINGS WORK TO BRING ME HEALING.
PEOPLE ACT OUT OF THE NEED FOR HEALING.
I CAN CHOOSE WHAT I FEEL ABOUT ANY EXPERIENCE.
FORGIVENESS WILL PROVIDE RELIEF AND RELEASE.
LOVE WILL HEAL ANYTHING THAT IS NOT AN EXPRESSION OF LOVE.
The experiences I had today that evoked ANGER were...............................................................
I responded by ...........................................................................................................................
I forgive myself and am willing to be healed of feeling................................................................
I hope that todays post serves you well, and that you will be able to take something from this to help yourself or someone else.
Our next posting is: WHEN YOU FEEL CONFUSED............. which is often a response to fear....